apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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