I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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