as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
