What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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