he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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