at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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