My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
