i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
