I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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