I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
