so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
