I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
