Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
