nut hugger
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm at about main and main street
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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