Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
