It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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