Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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