quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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