We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
