i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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