Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
