there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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