does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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