Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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