You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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