I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
