In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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