He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize