I just gift wrapped bread.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
