end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
