tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
