There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
