You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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