i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
