I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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