We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
