White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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