im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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