you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
