Apparently you make a good broom.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
