i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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