My cat gives me a boner
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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