she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
