I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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