It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
