margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
