apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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