We're facebook friends in real life
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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