I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
