just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
