He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
there is puke in my bra ... again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
