I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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