I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
