I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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