my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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