so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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