Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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