I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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