2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
