Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
