i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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