what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
