Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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