Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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