My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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