Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
