the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
