Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
