Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
