forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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