i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
