Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
