I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
