I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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