Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
