Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize