Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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