i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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