you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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